Trade Secrets

If you like Milk Duds, let’s do business.

My family has a wide range of candy preferences, but nobody’s much interested in Milk Duds. Or Bit-O-Honey, or Necco Wafers. Ella favors dark chocolate and Peppermint Patties; Madison’s diversified portfolio includes Kit Kats, Milky Way, Nerds, and Sour Patch Kids. There's almost nothing that we unanimously favor. Fortunately, in this situation, differences pay dividends.

A trick-or-treat bag arrives without regard for anyone's preferences. Once the contents hit the living-room floor, though, the opportunities become visible. A Kit Kat in one girl’s pile and a Peppermint Patty in the other’s can change places and make both girls happier. Same candy, same kids, but greater value on the floor once the trade happens.

We can spend so much time looking for common ground with other people that we can overlook the rich possibilities in uncommon ground. Family life offers plenty of opportunities to discover this; all you really need is curiosity. What does the other person enjoy? What would they gladly give up? What could you each offer? For instance, someone who enjoys cooking might happily trade kitchen cleanup with someone who would rather wash dishes. Knowing what you want gets a negotiation started. The trick is discovering what the other person wants that you’d be delighted to give up. Suddenly, your different tastes are working in each other’s favor.

So when the Halloween haul hits the floor, listen to the negotiations. Watch what happens when kids discover that someone else treasures what they’re eager to unload. There’s a hopeful glimpse of their future in those candy piles: Different people, making life sweeter for each other.

—Debra Ross, publisher

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